Misinformed feminist ‘delighted’ that Jackson and Olding to be ‘put to death’

A misinformed Dublin feminist has spoken of her ‘delight’ after mistakenly understanding that former Ulster Rugby players Paddy Jackson and Stuart Olding were to be put to death.

Patricia Archy of Batty Lane had been posting glib comments about the pair’s trial on social media for months but had not been paying too much attention to any of the details of the trial, favouring instead to read secondhand, redacted accounts of proceedings from fellow feminist bloggers and social influencers.

“I’m personally delighted that the Irish Rugby Patriarchy have seen fit to terminate these chauvinist monsters,” a delighted Ms Archy told reporters. “We need to send a message that using inappropriate terms like this in a private messaging service – whether ironically or not – is not compatible with life. In many ways I don’t think execution goes far enough.”

Despite never attending a rugby match in her life, she also stated that she would be boycotting all rugby as a result of the ‘toxic masculinity’ displayed by the players.

Despite Ms Archy’s approval of the death sentence in this case, she couldn’t help but add that she thought it was “Too little, too late,” and that they would have “never gotten signed by that native American team anyway”.

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