It’s here – Rugby Onslaught’s uncensored ‘World XV of 2017’ finally released
Despite it being the first day of 2018, and most followers having already read somewhere in the region of 70 ‘Best XVs of 2017’, we have saved the best to last here at Onslaught.
15 Ben Smith
He may have missed a lot of year with a concussion or whatever, but god forbid he isn’t picked at fullback, because some Kiwi would have a brain fit.
14 Julian Savea
We have picked Savea as – unlike the All Blacks – we don’t believe in throwing away wingers just because they’ve reached 50 caps. We’re loyal like that.
13 Ryan Crotty
Has quietly gone about the business of acquiring 45 All Blacks caps. Underrated in NZ because he’s actually just a really decent bloke going about his trade with dignity and class.
12 Sonny Bill Williams
Continued to break records this year, becoming the first All Black to be correctly referee’ed in about half a century. An aspiring spiritualist, Sonny Bum has taken throwing away medals and used socks to new heights this season too. What an absolute hero.
11 Rieko Ioane
Known simply as ‘drain pipes’ because of his tiny arms, Ioane has run in so many unopposed tries this season that it’s pretty much impossible not to pick him. This bit of worldclass banter was undoubtedly his highlight below.
10 Owen Farrell
Baby Faz could have made the team at 10 or 12, his only competition for the flyhalf position coming from Jonny Sexton and Finn Russell.
9 Aaron Smith
Leaving his disabled toilet exploits aside, Smith has had a vintage year in 2017. Be it harassing referees, sporting awful haircuts or getting hit in the face with the ball, it’s hard to find fault with this fantastic role model.
8 Kieran Read
Many thought that when Richie McCaw retired, the Golden Age of All Black cheating had come to an end. How wrong they were. If anything Read has taken it to the next level. Just ask Scottish fans.
7 Sam Cane
King Thug of the All Blacks, there is no depth Cane won’t plumb when he thinks the All Blacks might lose. His swinging arms are so high right now that they need a ****ing intervention.
6 Vaea Fifita
Tongan born Fifita plays for the All Blacks, who won the last two World Cups. As far as we’re concerned that reason enough to pick the 5 times capped Fifita, who had nothing to do with those victories. The logic is pretty lock tight.
5 Brodie Rettalick
Here’s a trick to try. Mention Maro Itoje to any Kiwi and see how many seconds it takes them to mention Retallick. You won’t be waiting long.
4 Sam Whitelock
Whitelock can conclude his All Black career safe in the knowledge that he can find work immediately as an extra on Game of Thrones, having made the ‘giant-mong-villager’ look all his own in recent years.
3 Ofa Tungafasi
One hit alone can’t make a year? Of course it can.
2 Asafo Aumua
It shows the class of All Blacks supporters, who a year ago couldn’t stop circle jerking over Dane Coles, but have now conveniently forgotten about him with Aumua on the scene. Goldfish memory spans. Zero loyalty.
1 Joe Moody
Has made a career of looking and playing like Tony Woodcock. Well done that man.