BREAKING: Johnny Sexton and Rassie Erasmus begin battle to hire Farrell’s lawyer
Who would have thought that the best performance to come out of the England match against Wales at the weekend would be Owen Farrell’s lawyer? Well, most people might have thought that seeing as both sides set the bar incredibly low. But this was a performance that not only surpassed anything shown at Twickenham, but may have actually bettered anything else achieved on Earth this week.
Of course, this was the seemingly impossible feat of somehow getting the red card rescinded for rugby’s serial high tackler. It was an outcome that almost no one across the rugby universe thought was possible, as every fan and pundit were debating how long the England captain’s ban would be not whether he would get one at all after he produced one of his trademark high tackles on Wales flanker Taine Basham.
Now that Farrell is free to play, his lawyer’s services are keenly sought after. Already Rugby Onslaught’s sources have revealed that Johnny Sexton and Rassie Erasmus are in a bidding war to hire his services for the World Cup, with both men willing to bankrupt their unions to get him on board.
Sexton is currently serving a three match ban for abusing referee Jaco Peyper after the Heineken Champions Cup final this year (a game he was not even playing in), but he only blames that ban on a useless lawyer. With this magician that was able to save Farrell’s World Cup, Sexton has some grand plans for the upcoming tournament, which involve him being able to choke slam any referee he disagrees with as well as being able to follow them back to their hotel room while hurling obscenities through a megaphone.
As for Erasmus, he served a ten month ban for his infamous video during the 2021 British & Irish Lions series, but with the aid of Farrell’s lawyer he plans to release his World Cup video ‘Why it is the referees’ fault the Springboks crashed out at the pool stages’ with absolutely no repercussions.
Whoever wins this battle will be able to behave at the World Cup with absolute impunity, just as Farrell has been able to this week. Watch out.
